dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
