Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
