I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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