someone get that fucking seahorse.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
