Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
