$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
last night I used snow as a chaser
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