Where did you get a picture of my penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
