I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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