you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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