I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
