Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
