You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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