Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am puke
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
