3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
