So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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