my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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