I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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