Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
