508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
