apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
