Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
