well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
