Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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