I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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