I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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