I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
