who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
