Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
