Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
