She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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