I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
