i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
