I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
