i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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