I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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