your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
