Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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