just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
