got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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