Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
