Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
