he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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