so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
