And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
