there was a trapeze. enough said
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
