you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
