No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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