i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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