Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
