I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize