he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
