I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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