HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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