So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
