I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
