yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
